So it has been 5 months since we grew! That is almost half of a year. This is the first time I have had a moment to sit and write and reflect. I could write a book. I couldn’t publish it. It has way too much personal info to share about people’s hearts that I have fallen in love with. There is A LOT of comedy in the story for sure. We have gone from teaching about hygiene to explaining what a deer crossing sign is to discovering what narcolepsy is. There is a list that is a mile long of which we have now been introduced to about what people of survival face. I have gained empathy… thank the Lord. I was one of those who at moments thought “I knew quite a bit”… I don’t. It is clear now. I might have some strong opinions of what I think is “right”, but what I am learning even deeper is I may be wrong… and that is okay. It doesn’t really matter as long as you love the ones right before you.
These kids… they have my heart. I am purely invested. I left behind a life that I will no longer return to. I abandoned ship. It sunk. Now I have a new boat and a new trajectory of a journey that I am not sure even has an ending. It is much more about who is driving the boat and who is making it float. It’s clear the only thing I can control now is my words and my actions… the rest is in the Lord’s hands. Some days are just flat out crazy and you fall in bed thinking I really want to talk to my husband but I just can’t even hold my eyelids open. Other days, you wonder why is it calm? How do I spend time with each child? Then you just realize, there are so many holes that you can’t even count them much less discuss them… you are left with “I must” trust God to fill these holes. He will meet each of their needs so much more than I can.
I have watched a child go from failing 98 percent of high school to a child who had never tried a sport to a child who didn’t know how to tell the truth to a child who had panic attacks and threw oranges against the wall to a child who had 5 words to...
a child who is making all A’s to a child who runs track and loves it to a child who tells the truth and confesses sin to a child who is calm and goes to his room without breaking things to a child who can repeat almost anything we say.
Those are just the new kids. The original five… that’s a whole different side.
I have watched a child go from being exasperated by all of the disobedience to a child who couldn’t stand pain to a child who was disgusted and angry with one child’s behavior to a child who felt invisible and forgotten to a child who woke up 3 times a night for 8 weeks since 5 new kids moved in to…
a child who has so much more grace to a child who hugged and rubbed a child’s back as he told a story of pain from his past to a child laughs at how annoying one child was to a child who feels loved by the family to a child who sleeps through the night rising at 6 am jumping screaming “Where Flavio, where Flavio?”
Watching the Lord fill all the holes makes each day an adventure. I usually don't know how to solve a handful of things each day in our schedule, but somehow we have survived (a few kids have gotten left), but those experiences too have taught me to open my hand a little more...
